“Giving Comixbear The (re)Boot”

by Sep 11, 2011Queer Eye on Comics0 comments

Hello out there to all of you in cyberspace! This is Mark Phillips and I thought that this would be a good time to reintroduce myself to all of you out there. I’ve been submitting articles to Queer Eye On Comics for awhile, and so some of you may not be familiar with me. (In other words, I haven’t gotten any comments lately on any of my articles, so it’s time to make you feel guilty.)

To begin with, I’m a 48 year old bear who lives in Tennessee. (I don’t think I’m allowed to call myself gay anymore. I’ll have to check the papers to see if there has been any change there.) I’m single with no current prospects for a relationship, but I’m happy being on my own. I’m set in my ways and so it would take true love to change me. I’ve worked in various positions in the healthcare field for over 20 years and I like helping people out in that area. I’m also a packrat…I manage to collect any and everything (when funds allow) from comic books and action figures to paperback books and jpgs. I’m also a big fan of……….

…..What’s that noise? It sounds like a million comic fans protesting the new DC Universe! Does anyone know anything about that white energy field that just appeared in the sky?……

…..Oh no! I’m feeling a reboo……


…..I’m Comixbear. I used to be known as Mark, back in the old days.

Back before…The Event.

What was The Event, you may ask. Well, it’s none of your damn business is what it is. It’s on a ‘need-to-know’ basis and you definitely don’t need to know. If I told you, I would have to kill you. It’s deadly information. No other man alive can handle this information.

You get the idea. Telling you is a no-no.

Anyway, I was telling you some of the public access information that is found in my dossier. They tell me that this will improve the efficiency of our team, although I really don’t need a team.

I’m alone. I like it that way. No ties to the heart means less distractions on the battlefield.

I also hold onto most everything that I can find. You never know when that cereal box will be the weapon that will save your life. Yeah, that’s right. Your very existence may depend upon King Vitaman! Remember that, if you can.

Besides that, you really should….QUICK!!! Drop to the ground! That light is coming to…..


…..Greetings, Terran. My name is Mar’k P-hil’lips of the Comixbear Corps. You’ve never heard of us? Oh, that’s right. You are from Earth.

We are a fur-bearing race (or fur-baring, depending upon the event) who travel the cosmos of Ursa Major and Ursa Minor in leather outfits, searching for the famed Nookie Rod. This rod is a magical weapon which is used to control all male animals.

No, wait! That’s not the Nookie Rod! That’s the Reboot Stone!…..


…..Hi. I’m Mark. They have come from the past to tell me that I’m destined to become Comixbear, Protector of the Den and Space Daddy. (Yes, I’m your Daddy.) I think that it’s scary to realize that these beings know so much about me. Did they peak into my shower? If they weren’t so good in the sack, I might avoid them! I…..


…..Greetings, mortals, from a Hellish Bear

If you don’t pay attention, I’ll touch you down there

My mind, black as night, makes you run fast as you can

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with Etrigan.


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